Finding Light After Sexual Violence
Content Warning: This story discusses sexual assault and may be triggering for some readers. Reader discretion is advised.
April marks Sexual Assault Awareness Month, a time dedicated to discussing the prevalence of sexual violence and advocating for survivors. While I have always supported people coming forward about their sexual assault, I never thought I would be a survivor of it. In the spirit of solidarity, I would like to tell my story.
It was a crisp autumn evening in New York City when the course of my life took an unforeseen turn. October 4, 2023, a date etched into my memory, not for its significance but for the trauma it brought. On a business trip, far from home, I found myself in the company of a stranger, drawn in by the allure of a genuine connection. Little did I know, it would culminate in an encounter that shattered my sense of security and worldview.
The evening began innocuously, a casual dinner with someone I had met earlier that day. Yet, even in those initial moments, there were subtle signs that hinted at something darker beneath the surface. His demeanor was controlling, his attention suffocatingly obsessive. He resorted to love bombing and inauthentic compliments, using them as manipulative tactics to flatter me. However, in the optimism of the moment, I brushed aside these uneasy feelings, dismissing them as mere attempts to impress and not as signs of someone who is capable of sexual violence.
As the night unfolded, the atmosphere grew increasingly tense. Innocuous gestures morphed into encroachments of personal space, and polite conversation devolved into abusive language. His once kind demeanor fell away, revealing an entitled and vengeful person fueled by anger over not getting what he wanted. I found myself trapped in an unsafe situation, a prisoner of fear and uncertainty. And then, in a moment that altered everything, the boundaries of consent were violated, and I became a statistic in the grim narrative of sexual assault. While I was not raped, what transpired was unequivocally not okay and constituted an act of sexual violence.
Reflecting on that harrowing experience, I am struck by the insidious nature of sexual violence. It does not always announce its presence with overt aggression; instead, it lurks in the shadows, concealed by the veneer of charm and familiarity. It preys on vulnerability, exploiting trust and goodwill until it consumes its victims whole. There is no one face of a sexual predator – it can be anyone, hiding behind any façade.
In the aftermath of that fateful night, I grappled with a whirlwind of emotions – shock, shame, anger, and self-doubt. I questioned my judgment, replaying the events of that evening, searching for clues I might have missed. At first, I wasn’t angry at him, but incredibly angry at myself. But amidst the turmoil, one realization emerged with startling clarity: I was not alone. Across the world, countless others experienced the same trauma, their voices silenced by stigma and shame.
I also struggled with the daunting task of reporting the assault. As a non-resident of New York, the prospect seemed challenging, fraught with bureaucratic hurdles and legal uncertainties. Initial attempts to report it were met with discouragement, as I was informed that I couldn’t report the sexual assault as I didn’t live in New York.
Thankfully, I was receiving free therapy from San Francisco Women Against Rape, an organization dedicated to supporting survivors, which provided invaluable assistance throughout the reporting process. With their guidance and advocacy, I learned of the possibility of filing a courtesy report in California, which could then be forwarded to the NYPD. In that moment, a spark of resilience ignited within me, fueled by the knowledge that justice was not beyond reach.
I will never forget the two volunteer advocates who accompanied me to the police station as I recounted my story. Their support, advice, and encouragement gave me strength to be brave and not be silent. I also want to express my gratitude for the unwavering support of my friends and family who stood by me, offering encouragement and strength throughout the process. Their steadfast presence was invaluable in my journey towards healing and justice.
There are many different resources available to assist sexual assault survivors including hotlines like, National Sexual Assault Hotline (800-656-HOPE) which provide confidential support and guidance 24/7. Many organizations across the nation, like San Francisco Women Against Rape, offer specialized services tailored to the unique needs of survivors, from counseling to legal advocacy. Additionally, Helping Survivors, is an organization that provides helpful resources for navigating sexual assault in a wide variety of settings including the workplace, rideshares, schools, etc.
It’s of the utmost importance to challenge the societal norms and attitudes that enable sexual violence to thrive. We must dismantle the culture of victim-blaming and shame, replacing it with a culture of accountability and support. By amplifying the voices of survivors, by centering their experiences, we can create a world where consent is respected, boundaries are honored, and justice is served.
As I navigate the path to healing, I am strengthened by the resilience of the human spirit. I refuse to be defined by the actions of my assailant; instead, I reclaim my narrative, imbuing it with strength and defiance. And though I still struggle with the aftermath of that event, I walk it with a newfound sense of purpose, fueled by the knowledge that my voice has the power to effect change and help other people who have experienced the same pain.
